The Big One Oh Oh

    This is my one hundredth post. To any of you who have read them all, I am sorry.


    Gas prices are the biggest sham in the modern world. I do not believe for one second that they are driven by anything other than blind greed. Last week the price of gas at one filling station I drive by was 3.78 one day, 3.54 the next, and 3.81 the day after that. I would just love to hear the explanation on that one.
Questioner: "So mister gas price analysis expert, what's up with the huge swing south followed immediately by a conveniently bigger swing north?"
Gas Price Analysis Expert: "Well, uh, gas prices were just about to plummet with increasing supply and decreasing demand, but uh, well um...someone sneezed. Yeah, that's it, they sneezed on the control panel and the WHOLE plant had to shut down for five minutes while they cleaned the control panel. No one wants to get a cold right? Well that short down time had one of those things, like, you know like a butterfly affect. I think I heard that was a real thing in a movie one time. Well that butterfly really messed up everything so now prices are back up. Don't expect them to drop any time soon ether. That butterfly was a nasty bugger."
Questioner: "Riggghhhhtttttttt..."

    That is how I imagine someone has justified it. I am going to buy a solar powered scooter.

"She's got things that belong to me too! If you think you're alone in this you're crazy."

Worst Announcers In The World

    I can not stand when the Tigers play the White Sox. It means that when I watch the recap I will have to listen to the moronic ramblings of the south-side dimwit they have calling their games. He has the worst catch phrases I have ever heard. And I know a bad catch phrase when I hear it. I have been listening to Rod Allen for years after all. The difference between Rod and this guy is that Rod uses complete sentences and doesn't sound like a coked out fanatic when he talks. This is the thing I forgot earlier in case you were wondering. If I was a Pale Hose fan, I would be calling for this guys resignation. If they Chicago fans do in fact enjoy listening to this person, then there is no hope for that city. This is my new favorite website http://www.heavethehawk.com/index.php If only every one of my rants had a website dedicated to it. "This website is dedicated to the removal of White Sox television broadcaster Ken "Hawk" Harrelson. Mr. Harrelson's unique blend of non-standard English and ego-maniacal blather has made the mute button a must for Sox T.V. viewers during the last three decades." Those poor people.

Too Much

    I am pretty grossed out by the new graphic anti smoking ads. Sure they might be a good deterrent to people starting smoking or a wake-up call for people who have not had the resolve to quit, but I do not need to see that stuff. I already think smoking and the people who do it are vile. Maybe vile is a little strong. However, there is not doubt I wish horrible things on the people who smoke outside my window and make my whole apartment smell like cigarettes five times a night. I like to slam my window shut when I know they are out there. I should get a smoke grenade and a gas mask and when they are out smoking I can toss the grenade down and when they look up I will just ask how it feels as I put on the mask while laughing my head off. That would be a good resolution to the problem. All I would have to do after that is move. But seriously, how does anyone think smoking is a good idea? I've done it. It is not pleasant. Let's set something on fire and inhale the smoke and fumes it produces. Don't worry about the fact that you have no idea what lethal chemicals may be present in said fumes. People are so dumb. I swear, as soon as I get enough money to move to my deserted island, I am out of here.

    I had something else I was going to write about, but I don't recall what it was. Smokers make me so angry I forget good blog topics. Their existence is now impacting your entertainment. I would not care if it wasn't for the whole second hand smoke thing. If you want to die of lung cancer that is your deal, but when your actions negatively impact my life then I want to punch you in the throat. Lethal is a fun word. Lethal.

    And of course the Tigers are the MLB.tv free game of the day and they are playing at 2:10. This is so typical I could spit.

"Well, you're not wrong."

Owned

    I just paid off my Best Buy credit card. I now own my television. In fact, I am the undisputed owner of everything in my living room. All three things. Except The Hunger Games. That is borrowed.
    I finished those books this weekend. The first two are good, the third, not so much. I feel like the scope of the story grew beyond the writing abilities of the author. Which is very sad because she really had something going there and it just didn't live up to its own build up. I am not saying it is a bad story. I did enjoy reading it, but it could have been better. I am willing to bet this is one time I will like the movie better than the book. I am pretty bummed about the whole thing actually. What a terrible waste of a story. Just stop after the first two books and make up a decent ending for yourself.
    I got glasses for the first time in years this week. They are nice when my contacts are bothering me, but they are not a full time thing. I almost knocked myself out getting into my car the first time I wore them because I am not used to only being able to see clearly in the center of my vision. My head still hurts and this was Friday. The lenses do weird things to my vision. I think it is because they are cheap impact resistant lenses and not any fancy material. When I look at things through the sides of the lenses, the colors are separated. Like if I look at something orange on my screen, there is a yellow line down one side and a red line down the other. It is not just things on a screen either. Pretty interesting. Unlike how this blog post is getting. Read the Hunger Games, they are not so bad. I just had a favorite character and didn't like what happened to them. I'll get over it.

"There's only one God ma'am. And I'm pretty sure he doesn't dress like that."

Gear Grinding

    A new lady started at work this week. Her name is Lucinda Rice. Me and Adam (another of the project managers) had a discussion about that name. Before we had any idea who this person was, we decided that she was most likely an old black lady. Don't even try to pretend that you don't think that sounds like a name an old black lady would have. Turns out she is not black and she is not old. We did not take into account the fact that she would go by Lucy. I hope she never finds out that we have discussions like this. It reminds me of the times Katie and I would play hot-or-not over instant message about people who were in the room. Its awkward when they find out.

    Remember when people posted things on Facebook that were fun? I barely do. Facebook status updates used to be about cool things like "Party at the lake this weekend! 'Bout to get my drink on!" These days every status is something like "Go Obama! I wish he was my dad!" (wake up people, its an election year. everything he does is to appease the most people and try to get reelected.) or "Two thirds of North Carolina is dumb." It is really annoying. I realized today that I have actually started to avoid Facebook. It sucks. I don't care about your political views or if you support someone or think everyone is morons. Just can it!

    Has anyone seen this video of the girl tripping during the steeplechase and flipping into the water? Its hilarious. Normally I would leave you with that, but I went for a run yesterday and had nothing better to do than think, so I came up with this tidbit. The girl said she had no recollection of the moment it happened. As far as her memory goes, she was running up to the obstacle, then she was coming up out of the water. I find this very interesting. You hear about this sort of thing happening quite a bit. Something intense and unexpected happens and the person involved barely remembers any of it. My hypothesis is this: during these moments, i.e. flipping into a pool of water when you are supposed to be running a race, the brain is firing so fast in so many directions trying to asses and rectify the situation that it has zero capability left over to file thoughts away as memories. This is my take on it and I bet I am right. If you don't believe me, I will shove you down a flight of stairs while you are not paying attention and see how much you remember.

"Please tell me nobody kissed me."

Break Is Over

    Don't worry, I didn't give up yet. I just had some stuff going on the last few days and have not had time to write a post. That should mean that this one will be decent, but I doubt it.

    Let's get a strong start. So the weather is really out doing itself these days. I only had to plan on washing my car and it starts pouring. So I went to the grocery store instead. On the way home I stopped at the car wash because it is the only covered place I could think of and did some cleaning and protecting of the inside of my car. There is not a single interior surface of that thing that is not slippery. Other than the ones that would be obviously dangerous if they were hard to hold onto. You know, like the steering wheel. I only did part of that. So if it starts to slip, I will eventually get to a not slippery spot. My hands feel funny now. Maybe I used too much leather protectant. Protectant is a word right? Blogger doesn't seem to think so.

    Anyone see The Avengers over the weekend? Best movie ever right? I have spent some serious time on this and I can not come up with a single thing that I didn't like about that movie. Isn't that crazy? There is action, and humor, and bromance, and action, and the best Hulk ever (I'm young and biased against the past, get over it.) What's that? I was the only one crushing on every main character? I don't believe you. I am going to see it again this weekend. Maybe twice. I hear tell of multiple scenes after the credits and I don't know if I stayed for all of them. I barely remember any of the movie to be honest. I was so geeked out I lost my ability to retain information.

    I went to the Kentucky Derby over the weekend. If you are ever thinking of going and can only afford to go to the infield...don't. Instead, go to a nice derby party, have some cheap drinks, and actually enjoy yourself. That way you will be able to watch some horse racing too. If you go to the infield, you will spend a whole load of money to get bumped into by thousands of sweaty drunks who are most likely about to puke any second. You will also only realize they are holding races if you happen to look up at the video screen at the right moment. I literally saw two seconds of live horse racing. One thing that was pretty cool about the afternoon was when a particularly loud group of gentleman started singing the national anthem and everyone around joined in. I had a great time.

"He's adopted."

Parenting Award

    A few minutes ago I was out washing my wheels in the rain (cause you know, that's the sort of thing I do) and I heard one of my lovely neighbors across the way swear quite loudly and obscenely. I would tell you what it was, but you are not old enough to hear it. Incidentally, I do not believe either of the children who live at this residence are old enough either. Not sure if the searing words were aimed at a child, but I am sure they heard it loud and clear. I guess that is how you act when you are the cream of society like these people clearly are. My goodness. Even in the rain someone can manage to make my apartment smell like crap. Smokers need to just cut it out. If your life is so stressful that you need to light something on fire and suck on it for a while, you need to reevaluate yourself and then go do that disgusting habit someone far from me.
   
    On a more enjoyable note; I was blessed with my first rain run in a very long time this afternoon. I was a little worried because the rain we have been having lately has not been gentle. Even as we speak (if either of us are speaking at this moment) it is pouring. While I was out there though, it was just a light sprinkle. Enough so you knew it was raining, but not so much that you wanted hide under a tree. It was definitely not as fun as rain runs were in high school when there were twenty other guys running that you could stomp in puddles and have get mad because you got them wet even though it was raining. Sissies.

   Tigers pitching needs to step it up. Starting right now.

"Avengers comes out in three days, get excited. This is not a real quote. Hope you are not too put out."